She’s ready (poem)

What an Independent Woman wants

The dating world can be so crazy, hectic and cumbersome as is and then to be independent is an even bigger mistake. Most men on the dating (not all) like women have been hurt in the past by some crazed psycho beauty ( wasn’t me this time) and that’s why he is above 35 and single.

As my other mother says if he is so great why is he still single?!. My answer is this, it’s not that he is not great but hurt and in this crazy society we live in, it does not have the soil to cultivate men of previous, precious caliber.

So women dating are now dealing with men who are not in the ideal element and also coming with more baggage than intended. Granted this does not include addictions that’s more complex.I’m in no way giving excuses but yet my opinion.

Then comes the independent woman like myself who is very self sufficient. Women who do not need a mans approval to become or feel validated in life. The women who think I am and WILL always be the prize, whatever team Im on we winning type of women,raise my children, by myself type of women. My children are Gods reminder daily that he trusts me, so who am I not to trust and believe in my self.

When a I go on dates it sometimes very shocking to me that men are surprised I do for myself. This sometimes appears to be an intimidating factor because I don’t need a man, I can stand firmly on my own, the only thing missing is a partner.

It generally takes a special kind of man to realize that a woman who is reliant on self, is with you because she simply wants companionship, partnership.

When any man/woman runs into this women be aware because everything you do, say, react will be held against you!! She is simply about her business, there is no time games or chasing you, because she is looking for a partner.

P= Personable/ positive

A= Attractive

R=Respectful and Responsible

T=TRUSTWORTHY

N= Noble

E=Energetic

R=Reliable/Resilient

✌🏾until next time💋

Your Personal Genocide

Survival in a young women’s life is almost second nature, James Brown said it best “This is a man’s world”. Women we fight to overcome so much that at times in order to survive a piece of you has to die because either it would hinder or hurt you…

Growing up with abusive parents who may or may not be on drugs…. Genocide

Growing up without a Dad or consistent fathers figure causes a mass destruction and yes you little six year old girl have to learn to deal with that…. Genocide

Yes young lady men see you and see sex and some perverts see sex from school age and some wait until you just ripe and tender and of home life is already unstable….. Genocide

Maybe you went through a divorce with a BANG!!!

These and much more are Personal genocide, it’s mass destruction of your comfort zones, ruin of your former self, force you to bloom into this hybrid inorganic flower because you had to survive on only what the land produced. …… And yes you survived by heaven and the stars but what version survived?!

How can this be fixed?🤔

LOVE….It’s amazing how this very short word can build or break a home,marriage and destroy the mental well being. The lack of love in a family is very well a familicide, because without love there is no happiness which leads to an empty void, and empty void equates to no life and well you get the point.

While we can never go back and change life we can begin new. With every day we wake up is one day farther from the day of SELF GENOCIDE…. <<<<
therefor quintessential to life, and all that matter within it,that we radiate love and that we surround love around us (even if it's just my plants )and allow others to love us as well. #lovemesomeme😘

Dating for Potential

There is dating then there is DATING,when things get serious and we are meeting friends, families and some instances lingering exe’s but that’s another topic.When some are in the dating phase they want to see the all the good the other person is projecting whether real or fake! Women we are nurturers by nature so we see men with potential as a real estate investor see’s a foreclosed home, POTENTIAL!!!, There is a saying “one mans trash is another mans treasure” but some trash is just flat out Trash!! its just new to you.

I myself have been there dating because I see the potential in him to be a great man, beside the fact that he is not working right now, going to school for a trade is a mere upset for him.Then maybe he has it ,together somewhat but he could do better if he broadened his horizons. Honestly this can be for man woman if the shoe fits. If he working and is comfortable where he is at, your not!, then chances are you may want reevaluate what you want and is this person it?
There is a such thing as motivating your partner but you cant motivate the unmotivated.

If you dating off of potential, sis stop wasting time now,politely gather yourself and your hopes for yourself!!! Potential is what you see in them that they do not see in themselves. If they do not see it then you are potentially wasting time and energy to potentially be exhausted, devastated, aggravated all at the same time. In life if you live long you will have some heart breaks, upset moments, crying times, just don’t cause your own heart break by putting too many eggs into a basket with a weak bottom because things fall apart.

Growing up I heard ambition is not bought or sold you have to have it in life.If the other party has ambition, you see the potential, then you may potentially have a good chance of seeing the potential come into fruition.In a relationship its just as a buss

1 Corinthians 13

This chapter has become one of my favorites in the Bible. If you have never read it I would advise you do immediately!!! To sum up the beginning it says if I have and I am every thing good and pleasing but I don’t have love I am nothing. This scripture speaks to me on so many levels because my heart has to be in my actions in order to be pleasing to God. It further reads:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

This is the love that God has for us and he has placed that in our partners made for us!! In other words the person who is meant for you will have this 1corinthians 13 ❤️. There may be some imposters along the way but when it’s from God and placed in your life by God it will never leave no matter you and them face. I’m reminded of Hosea in the Bible who had a wife and lady love was far from perfect but he kept the faith. He loved without stipulations because his father faith and love for God,his wife covered all misunderstandings. This love can even be found in Joseph and Mary how many men would stay with a women whom they just married have not touched and yet she is pregnant? Yes it was the child of Christ but Joseph was a man in the flesh!!! Love !!!<

recently told someone and posted on my social media pages afterwards I want a 1 Corinthians 13 love. There is no love without fault but there is love with prayer. The guys I dated in the past were not it because if the had been it neither party would have stipulations on how,where,when to love.<

ove is not for the faint at heart as it requires commitment,communication,compromise,care ,prayer.In no part of this is there a mention of pre marital sex.

omen we give too much too soon to the wrong Bafooon. The Bible tells us to protect our hearts because out of it life flows. It does not mean build a wall but be careful who holds it. Love God with all your heart and the man who prayed for you will come!<

o you love unconditional?

r does your love have stipulations and expirations?<

re you loving the way God intended us to love<

ove ❤️ and love hard 🌺

Summer Time Wine

This summer has been perfect for BBQ’s and pool side parties. All these gatherings if they are good have some alcohol for enjoyment yessssss. While throughout human tradition alcohol and good company are the best party ingredients. It may be the best ingredient for cancer as well.

There are seven types of cancers that alcohol and increased BMI increase the risk of developing this life changing diagnosis. 

Those cancers are : mouth , pharynx, esophageal,liver, colorectal and BREAST!!!

While there has been no study to state what is an acceptable level of drinking, I’m sure a bottle a day is not the standard. Life is about balance and balance creates life. 

With the new genetics trend it maybe beneficial to get tested for the BRCA gene for breast cancer or lynch syndrome for colon cancers.

Changing how you eat and getting regular exercise can have a dramatic effect on the quality of life you live. Enjoy life out loud 

Shahera Washington 

Mom 2 prince+Peyton ❤️

Dating:Good,Bad and down right exhausting

It’s so hard dating in these days,so many hard questions that you need to ask upfront that were not previously a requirement such as what’s your debt to credit ratio?.  Lol! The word dating nearly sends shrills to my one friend who can not think of ever leaving her partner no matter how testing times become because dating is worse than worse. Another friend recently stated to me her husband to be would find her on her couch ha! If only dating were simple or I should say if only we took a simpler approach to dating would it not sound so horrid.

 When there is no joy in finding a mate how can one truly say they settled down with the one who makes them happy or did they jump on the first bus to escape the rain of potential failing dates on the horizon to come.

One thing I learned along the years is dating means DATING!! Which means no we not chilling on my couch or yours to channel surf and mistakenly end up in some hot and heavy make out session. To date means we go out either with friends or as a potential couple weeks on an outing or simply for tea at Starbucks. Dating means we enjoy each other’s company for the time and feel each out to see where it goes no goodies involved.

Women generally date looking for long term I.e girlfriend phone call after the first date girl I think he is my husband and then comes the wedding planning and he hadn’t even agreed to or asked for date two. When he does not live up to the mind fairytale a broken heart arrives. Men tend to really date and they grasp the concept dating better than women dating does not mean exclusively unless and until it’s out on the table. And just because he test drive the vehicle does not mean he is driving off the lot so protect your feelings if you know test drives and no phone call the next day will have you emotional. 

Dating can be fun, exciting and it’s a way to meet new people you may not find a potential mate but maybe a friend. Most importantly safety is a big issue especially with online dating so protect yourselves.

1.Always meet in a neutral place preferably in the daytime at first

2. Drive your own car never get in the car with someone you don’t know or met online (unless your in that business 😉  )

3. Carry cash and a well charged phone

4. Let someone know who your going with and all the details in case we need to go to action news and put out an APB for the clown who kidnaps you

5. Seriously be safe and have fun and protect yourself 
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Stop Giving CPR to Dead Things

I always do inventory on my days conversations, most times I think of ways I can better my reactions to things or people,that I may have encountered.

I had a conversation with a person whom ,I had not seen since what seems like forever but really only 2.5 years. It seemed so long ago because so much has transitioned. I did not see how much was changed until we started talking about the changes. 

While discussing the bad,good and the better,I realized that when you keep bringing up the negatives, you give them RESSURECTION, the only ressurection I want in my life is christ. 

It easy to tell your version of events out of fear,shame or what ever emotion we may feel about the issue. Then after your in that funk that you thought you left behind. Let Dead Issues Stay Dead! If you have trully forgiven every aspect of what transpired then it should be gone from memory! Forgiveness is a clean slate its not holding on its letting go as flowers do when they grow, it cant grow holding on to a dead piece it sheds that piece or petal and flourishes into a beautiful flower. 

Its cool if sidestepping a conversation is not for you, so tackle it with one sentence, practice that one sentence and let that be your reaponse.Everything is not for everyone and somethings stagnate you,block you from being the best you, the you GOD created you to be. 

~Grow like flowers, Glow like the Sun, Flow like the river, love yourself more than anything

Single or Solo mom???

This term is so over rated to me yes I’m not married or in a relationship but I’m not single I’m waiting.Im a mother so I’m never alone even when I want to be I can’t be alone or single. This term only denotes my marital status and that I have children, when in fact I’m waiting on the man who will come and be a partner for me in life, prayer warrior when I can’t fight for myself, encourager when I need a little push because life is getting me underway, but all those things I’m in wait for because those battles of married life are ones that may really have me clinging to the cross I should anyway :). I’m just saying before you throw on or plaster the label of single mother I’m not!!! I walk with GOD, my children daily they may not have a physical father 24/7 but their spiritual father is a sure nuff heavy hitter about his children. Would it be alright to say waiting mom???!?! Because that’s what I truly am a woman waiting for her perfect mate and just happened to kiss two frogs along the way. This shouldn’t deter my future mate because he is prepared and well equipped to our family dynamics and any thing that comes into path. So cross out single mom !!because me and my Heavenly Father are here on a daily. Until next time peeps waiting mom 

Breakup’s with Children Involved

Moving on after a breakup is hard and moving on after a breakup or divorce that involves children is even harder, because no matter what you want to gives your babies the best, and sometimes the best is moving on.Its ok to mourn because this is a death, a death of hopes,dreams and the future you planned out with the other person and the children.  With death comes the five stages of grief and this can be seen as unfortunate or fortunate but reality is you still have to provide and take care of the children mentally,emotionally, financial and everything else that comes in between. It will be hard at times to keep your head up but it has to be done, its ok to cry, pout,shout, stomp, and pull your hair out  (not literally because you will date again and bald spots don’t look good 🙂 trust me ). When my daughters father decided he wanted to go find himself in life after we had a one year old daughter and I had a thirteen year old son from a previous partner, I was devastated. My world was dark for sometime because I had been a single parent and knew that this was not what I wanted for my second child, I kept replaying the I,I, I, I song and it hit me like a ton of bricks I need to get it together so we can be alright with the absence of him, the man I loved, father to my daughter and role model for my son.  In the thick of things you may want the kids to go to grandmas for a weekend or to an aunts while you sort through your feelings and emotions because if your like me the issues didn’t start with him/her, that person just tipped the iceberg. After a breakup some much needed you time is definitely a must and may include a spa day or just you and a hot bath Epsom salt and wine. It will take time but work on you for you and the kids because they are depending on only you now for everything maybe except partially finances if that was settled at this point if not child support needs to be established for the children’s sake, my philosophy is if it took two people to make one person then it will will take two finances to care for one person.

There is no nice way to say get off your butt and stop moping about what you wanted to have with the other parent who has now moved on to other pastures in his or her life. Being a single parent comes with its own set of issues and then to add dating to the mix is another beast. I have been single for quite some time and a single mother for a very long time. Some think that because your a single mother you should focus on your children and live your life for them and while that may be true mamma and poppa need love to. There is no rule that says because you and the other parent didn’t work out that you have to become this celibate,closed minded, one tracked person. After all life is for the living and what better time to live than now, the world is ready to be explored.

Dating is suppose to be fun and adventurous and this does not translate into promiscuous but if you are feeling  on the pent up side my first advice is to pray, ask God to show you if this is the right person  and if not to lead you to that person. However long it has been from the breakup make sure you have no emotional baggage and your starting on a clean slate. This does not however mean that the man you meet may may not have baggage he may come with. The first date may be very awkward because meeting someone as an adult is not as easy as when you were five and in the sandbox. When setting up the dates pick places not far from your house in case of emergencies with the kid/kids rule of thumb for me is no more the 30-45 minutes, at best if the dates a flop you have an excuse to go home my son was a great excuse on a many occasions as is both my children are now. Dating is exciting make a game out of it if need be but get you butt on the scene, try dating sites but be smart about it, speed dating seems fun as well, go out and network in your career feild you never know who may be a lead to a job paying better/higher wages or lead you to forever love either is a win. Its OK to be scared, nervous,in life we make mistakes, learn from them, grow stronger from them and we love all over again. You will meet that man who opens your heart once more but surely not sitting on your couch in pajamas. Get up girl, and go live if he was for you he would have stayed, instead he was blocking the view from someone who would truly appreciate,love you. I pray for much happiness for you my friend