Moving on after a breakup is hard and moving on after a breakup or divorce that involves children is even harder, because no matter what you want to gives your babies the best, and sometimes the best is moving on.Its ok to mourn because this is a death, a death of hopes,dreams and the future you planned out with the other person and the children. With death comes the five stages of grief and this can be seen as unfortunate or fortunate but reality is you still have to provide and take care of the children mentally,emotionally, financial and everything else that comes in between. It will be hard at times to keep your head up but it has to be done, its ok to cry, pout,shout, stomp, and pull your hair out (not literally because you will date again and bald spots don’t look good 🙂 trust me ). When my daughters father decided he wanted to go find himself in life after we had a one year old daughter and I had a thirteen year old son from a previous partner, I was devastated. My world was dark for sometime because I had been a single parent and knew that this was not what I wanted for my second child, I kept replaying the I,I, I, I song and it hit me like a ton of bricks I need to get it together so we can be alright with the absence of him, the man I loved, father to my daughter and role model for my son. In the thick of things you may want the kids to go to grandmas for a weekend or to an aunts while you sort through your feelings and emotions because if your like me the issues didn’t start with him/her, that person just tipped the iceberg. After a breakup some much needed you time is definitely a must and may include a spa day or just you and a hot bath Epsom salt and wine. It will take time but work on you for you and the kids because they are depending on only you now for everything maybe except partially finances if that was settled at this point if not child support needs to be established for the children’s sake, my philosophy is if it took two people to make one person then it will will take two finances to care for one person.
There is no nice way to say get off your butt and stop moping about what you wanted to have with the other parent who has now moved on to other pastures in his or her life. Being a single parent comes with its own set of issues and then to add dating to the mix is another beast. I have been single for quite some time and a single mother for a very long time. Some think that because your a single mother you should focus on your children and live your life for them and while that may be true mamma and poppa need love to. There is no rule that says because you and the other parent didn’t work out that you have to become this celibate,closed minded, one tracked person. After all life is for the living and what better time to live than now, the world is ready to be explored.
Dating is suppose to be fun and adventurous and this does not translate into promiscuous but if you are feeling on the pent up side my first advice is to pray, ask God to show you if this is the right person and if not to lead you to that person. However long it has been from the breakup make sure you have no emotional baggage and your starting on a clean slate. This does not however mean that the man you meet may may not have baggage he may come with. The first date may be very awkward because meeting someone as an adult is not as easy as when you were five and in the sandbox. When setting up the dates pick places not far from your house in case of emergencies with the kid/kids rule of thumb for me is no more the 30-45 minutes, at best if the dates a flop you have an excuse to go home my son was a great excuse on a many occasions as is both my children are now. Dating is exciting make a game out of it if need be but get you butt on the scene, try dating sites but be smart about it, speed dating seems fun as well, go out and network in your career feild you never know who may be a lead to a job paying better/higher wages or lead you to forever love either is a win. Its OK to be scared, nervous,in life we make mistakes, learn from them, grow stronger from them and we love all over again. You will meet that man who opens your heart once more but surely not sitting on your couch in pajamas. Get up girl, and go live if he was for you he would have stayed, instead he was blocking the view from someone who would truly appreciate,love you. I pray for much happiness for you my friend
Shahera Washington 